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Apr. 12th, 2009

I still feel curiously empty -- if I read my posts, or especially if I read your responses to them, I get damp-eyed, but just thinking about him doesn't start up the tears. I think I've put a thick layer of insulation between me and my feelings. I'm curious about it but not concerned yet: I think that if someone were to ask me the right questions it'd come crumbling down.

ETA: At work, they gave me a condolence card showing a puppy nuzzling a smiling, happy orange cat, in a green field surmounted by a rainbow. I sat in my little corner and cried. The walls, they came down.

I've taken down the music stand I had sitting on the dining room table (as a stand to keep the fluid bag elevated) and thrown away the last fluid bag. I've had a few idle thoughts, like that now I can take down the plastic tape I covered the corners of my bookcases with, to keep the kitty from sharpening his claws on them. But that's all I've done.

I am thinking of observing some mourning rituals -- privately and discreetly, so no one will accuse me of making a spectacle of myself or the occasion. I thought I would wear black all this week. I often wear black, so no one will notice, but I'll know.

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Comments

( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
kalleah
Apr. 14th, 2009 12:43 am (UTC)
That was a kind thing for your coworkers to do. Don't feel guilty or self-conscious about mourning for a beloved friend, but do it on your own terms. When my first hedgehog died, I wore a locket with several of her quills. No one had to know but me, and it helped to reach up and be able to touch it.

::hugs::
np_complete
Apr. 16th, 2009 12:20 am (UTC)
When my first hedgehog died, I wore a locket with several of her quills. No one had to know but me, and it helped to reach up and be able to touch it.

I think I'm going to emulate this. I'll ask the vet's office if they can take a clipping of his fur for me. Thanks for the idea!

::hugs::

Thank you. They are much appreciated.
earlgreytea68
Apr. 14th, 2009 01:52 am (UTC)
I continue to keep you in my thoughts.
np_complete
Apr. 16th, 2009 12:20 am (UTC)
Thank you very much. I appreciate it.
wiggiemomsi
Apr. 14th, 2009 03:00 am (UTC)
I'm so, so sorry for your loss! Mourning rituals can be very helpful.

*Huggles you*
np_complete
Apr. 16th, 2009 12:21 am (UTC)
I'm so, so sorry for your loss! Mourning rituals can be very helpful.

*Huggles you*


Thank you very much! (And that's a sweet icon!)
capemaynuts
Apr. 14th, 2009 03:13 am (UTC)
Please know that you are in my thoughts. I lost my oldest cat last Spring and am in some ways still mourning her. Our pets are part of our family and their loss can be just as painful as losing an aunt or uncle(more so in my family). So don't feel ashamed about greiving. **Hugs**
np_complete
Apr. 16th, 2009 12:24 am (UTC)
Please know that you are in my thoughts. I lost my oldest cat last Spring and am in some ways still mourning her. Our pets are part of our family and their loss can be just as painful as losing an aunt or uncle(more so in my family). So don't feel ashamed about greiving. **Hugs**

Thank you. I talked to someone today who said that some people understand about pets and how much they mean to us, and some people don't. I'm fortunate to know so many people who are in the former category.

So sorry to hear you lost your beloved friend last Spring. Thank you very much for the kind words and encouragement.
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )