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Oh dear

I seem to have lost the ability to treat myself well.

I decided I was going to give myself what my sister called "a Jubilee", being more than just a Sabbath, and spend a week treating myself as well as possible.  Today was day one.

I seem to have spent the day fretting.  And napping.  The napping makes sense, as I went to bed at 10:30 (relieved, like the rest of America, that Dzhokhar Tsarnaev had been captured and nobody more had died) and then got up at about 4:45.  But the fretting seems to be about my determination to extract maximum value from my enjoyment, to be as time-effective with leisure as possible.

This is silly.

Right now I am reading library books, books I have renewed many times without having got through more than three chapters.  I hope to forget myself a little.

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( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
sensiblecat
Apr. 21st, 2013 10:03 am (UTC)
You know, that really sounds familiar. But being kind to yourself is a behaviour that has to be learned, like any other. And it takes time. Whenever I've been on retreat I've found it necessary to have a day or two of detox first, when I re-connect with my ability to relax. It can be so hard to give yourself permission to be kind to yourself! So I'd try not to worry. Keep external stimulation to minimum and let yourself settle down. Good luck!
np_complete
Apr. 25th, 2013 11:38 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I haven't been that good at it so far, but I'm slowly, slowly beginning to relax. I've been realizing just how frantic and tense I've allowed myself to get.

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )