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Here's why I'm not going to Scotland

Well, I said a while back that I might be going to Scotland. I was going to go with my friend F., who you may remember from the incident in the first days of 2011 when he broke my heart.

But I'm not, because F. has this girlfriend. And she said it was OK for him to travel with me. She wasn't going to be going because she has engagements elsewhere at that time. And apparently the issue of me was fought to a standstill, and F. said it was OK. Or rather he said, "She understands that I am going to have some parts of my life that do not revolve around her, and that you are a part of that."


So I told various people. My sister said, "This would only work if you were more platonic than you actually are." M. said, "This sounds messy". My mother said, "How could that work?" S. said, "Him again!" And finally I said, "Seriously, she's okay with this?" to F. "You do realize, if we stay in a B&B, or do your couch-trading Internet thing, if a place has accommodations for two, it's probably going to be a double-bed. She's okay with us sharing a double bed?"

So F. said a number of things of no consequence. And I said I didn't think it was a good idea, and pulled out of it.

About a week later, F. called to say he had broken up with his girlfriend. That our conversation had made him realize some things, and that among them were that he wanted to live his life with a woman he loved, and he couldn't live with her. Not again. Not anymore. (He teaches in Minnesota, but she lives in Chicago. They've lived in Chicago for extended periods of time when he wasn't teaching.)

So now he wants me to reconsider my decision not to go to Scotland.

I won't. I'm not going.


( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 7th, 2012 03:02 am (UTC)
Oh dear. Well, I'm sorry you're not going to go with F, but I think you should go sometime on your own if you want to. In summary, Scotland, yay! Scotland with other people that would make your trip more stressful and less fun, nay.
May. 14th, 2012 11:33 am (UTC)
Scotland, yay, indeed!

I'm not going to go -- there are all kinds of reasons why it's not a good idea right now, including that I already told all the work people I'd notified that I didn't need the time off after all -- but I will go sometime.
May. 7th, 2012 03:29 am (UTC)
Eek. I agree that the whole thing sounds messy.
May. 14th, 2012 11:34 am (UTC)
As F. describes it, it's less messy than it sounds (see my subsequent post). Other things are messy, though.

I won't be going; I'm going to save my money for my trip to New Zealand in a year or so.
May. 8th, 2012 06:39 pm (UTC)
Run away, little Sparky! Run!

(Seriously, in a completely different context I just had this revelation: if I wanted to go to New Orleans, I could just, you know, go to New Orleans - no need to embroil myself in dubious, complicated schemes that would include almost equal expense, annoying applications for travel funding from my increasingly stingy workplace, and committing myself to spending time at a conference of little interest to me. So...)
May. 14th, 2012 11:37 am (UTC)
Yes! You are right! We don't need excuses to go places we want to go to!

I will say that I would like a companion if I went overseas, for, well, companionship, as well as moral support and reality checking. I don't enjoy being a solitary tourist, particularly if it's a place where I don't speak the language very well.

Are you going to New Orleans? Cool! I was there probably in the early 90s, and loved it, loved the way history was piled so thickly there.
May. 14th, 2012 03:21 pm (UTC)
I've been to New Orleans once, briefly, a few years ago and really really enjoyed it. So much music everywhere! I was planning to go to the annual meeting of the American Historical Association there this winter, but they rejected a panel I was meant to be commenting on, so then I was thinking I would go to the conference anyway, but then I thought, fuck it! I could just go to New Orleans and *not* go to the conference.

But then our panel might end up being accepted after all - it's a long story - so I'm back where I started.

I actually enjoy travelling solo in some contexts, mainly when I am going places where I have contacts already of some kind (yay fandom! yay academia! yay my large and peculiar family! - thanks to them I have people to look up literally around the world) or else just travelling by car, and have only really gotten to like travelling in company since taking up with fishwhistle. Even then it took us a while to compromise on what kinds of travel we wanted to do together.

And having said that - I was so hoping that adulthood would bring me more opportunities for really long-distance and long-term travel than it has. It is now five years since I have left North America, and while I do get to go all over this continent, still ...

Edited at 2012-05-14 03:22 pm (UTC)
May. 22nd, 2012 11:39 pm (UTC)
I hear ya. The first thing I heard about you from fishwhistle was that you liked long drives to nowhere. I wrote back, "Gee, that sounds like me!" because I've always done that, but the truth is that I only really like long drives to nowhere if I'm doing the driving.
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )